Poodah 10-13

Holla for Cholera
Poodah became pale with guilt  when Poodah heard about the Cholera outbreak in Haiti. While Poodah had changed every one of Poodah’s profile pictures to say “prayers to Haiti”, Poodah hadn’t fully understood how truly dire their situation was. While the UN has taken the blame for this outbreak, Poodah knew who was truly behind it all. As Poodah’s trembling hand ran over several empty mason jars labeled “Poodah’s very own cholera”, Poodah decided that justice needed to be served. Poodah was going to uplift the spirit of the entire world with the most elaborate apology ever seen to mankind. In a 6 part video uploaded to you-tube, Poodah does a series of dances, speeches, jokes and shakes in order to apologize to Haiti for accidentally pouring out all of Poodah’s cholera. At several points during Poodah’s apology, fireworks were discharged inside the studio, which were supposed to read “I’m sorry”. Poodah however received no support on this video, because it wouldn’t stream outside the US.

Pop, Drop, and Lock-ers
Poodah was elated to hear that the public finally cared about “locker room” talk. On a biweekly podcast called: “Talkin’ Lock”, Poodah invites celebrity guests to come and discuss lockers. For example, in the Summer of 2013, Poodah recorded an episode with Chris Rock, who was convinced that every white person’s locker combo is mostly 1’s. In the winter of 2009, tears flowed as Tony Hawk described the barren, lockerless landscape that is professional skateboarding. Most memorably however, was the summer of 2012 when Poodah and Ryan Lochte argued for 2 hours about which type of shirts are allowed to go in lockers. Now that Poodah finally feels appreciated, Poodah will make a big and bold move and invite Donald Trump onto the program. Poodah can already taste the heady dialogue that they both will inevitably have about lockers, and the best way to secure them.

Some Sax for Samsung
It was with great relief that Poodah greeted the news of the cessation of Samsung Galaxy Note 7 production. Poodah’s Galaxy Note 7 had caught on fire on an airplane, which while making for a nice impromptu game of hot potato with fellow passengers, forced the plane down for “safety concerns.” While nobody scolded Poodah, and Poodah acted none the wiser, guilt pooled in Poodah’s heart. Poodah felt that years of jazz enthusiasm had reached its climax. Imagine it, decades, centuries, all spent in the pursuit of ever larger collections of hot jazz. Now imagine, these metric terabytes of hot jazz loaded on one Samsung Galaxy Note 7 (with extra microSD storage support). Poodah knew it was a dangerous game, Poodah knew that it was only a matter of time before the heat was too much for one itsy-bitsy phone. But Poodah needed the jazz, needed that jazz fix on that lonely flight. And deep in Poodah’s heart was that same guilt from before, that belief that Poodah’s jazz addiction had made the world a worse place. But luckily, Samsung is just bad at making phones, and Poodah can move with a bit more jazz in Poodah’s step.