WILSON 301 – As tardy students fumbled their way into rows of seats occupied by students who already managed to sprawl their shit out all over the floor, creating an obstacle course like no other, Professor Tindre announced in front of his Intro to Marsupial Copulation class that his originally planned lecture on opossum penises would be postponed to Friday. That day’s lecture would feature a movie examining how to put the kanga in the roo.
“Aw fuck yeah! A movie!” third year student Hugo Dixon thought to himself before dapping up his adjacent classmate. “This is gonna be dope!” Several additional students shared Dixon’s excitement, but many others had concerned thoughts.
“Putting the kanga in the roo? What the fuck does that mean?” asked second year student Madeline Pusé incredulously. “I don’t know,” responded Chip Dickens, a fourth year student, “But I sorta wanna find out.”
The class continued to fantasize over what could be in store for them with such an enigmatic movie title. On-site polling by The Declaration showed 10% of in-class students definitely wanted to stay and watch the whole thing, 34% wanted to leave as soon as possible, 22% would give it at least 10 minutes before leaving, and the remaining 34% of students were baked as fuck.
As the lights in the lecture hall dimmed, students and reporters alike began making their way toward the exits as the film commenced with Mike Tyson narrating a live kangaroo birth in what appeared to be a parking garage for a Guy Fieri restaurant.
“Yeah, fuck that,” said Madeline Pusé, as she lit a cigarette outside and checked her phone for notifications for the eighth time that minute.
Derek Richardson is a third-year who watched Dragon Tales last night while sensually eating a Chipotle burrito.