Trump Begins Wall, Guac Prices Soar Through Roof

Donald Trump’s controversial decision to build a wall, one that mind you, already exists, has caused a revolt in the most likely arena: that of the persea americana, lovingly known as the avocado.

Customers began to voice their complaints when Chipotle raised their guac price for the third time this week. The green wonder has begun to sell at an all-time high and consumers have taken notice.

“I remember when I complained about gas prices… but this?” said Amy Apples, Trader Joe’s produce specialist. “This is getting ridiculous.”

Another food specialist chimed in.

“This is the goddamn reason why we’re going out of business,” huffed a Winn Dixie’s employee. The employee requested to remain anonymous in order to secure their severance package.

Frat brothers nationwide have also joined the discussion as prices of their beloved ambrosia, Corona, have rallied.

“We have to drink Natty Light now, which… I guess makes us seem more frat, but the Corona’s were the main key in helping us become top-tier,” whined Jack Daniels, a third-year frat star. “This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to Make America Great Again.”

Even Taco Bell connoisseurs added to the debate.

“T-Bell used to offer the 99 cent breakfast burrito, which doesn’t even have guacamole… but, to chime in with the protests, they’ve decided to shut down all of our stores in states that voted for The Donald,” added Filet Minyon, a self-declared quesarito pundit.

Whatever, at least we have an avocado emoji now, right?


Melissa Angell is a third-year who is a “vegetarian”.